Ozymandias Day 2 of 3: The Predictions

There are only two episodes left, The Granite State and Felina. New Hampshire is known as the Granite State and Walt shows the waitress a New Hampshire ID in the M60 flas forward. Because of this, I think most of our questions regarding motive and who Walt is going after/avenging/rescuing will be answered. With this in mind, I would argue that this next episode will leave little to the imagination for groundbreaking predictions afterwards. Thus, I would like to explore any and all predictions this week because “The Granite State” will make or break any/all of these.

becomingly has turned the internet upside down and shook out every prediction it possessed. Each prediction will be ranked by a probability scale of 1-97% (in terms of purest meth).

(from thenational)

The Grateful Dead: Walt risks everything to protect Skyler

The name of the last-ever episode is Felina, and while this is obviously an anagram of “finale”, some fans have pointed out that it could also be a reference to a Grateful Dead song called El Paso, which tells the story of a cowboy who kills another man over a woman, called Felina, and goes into hiding. But he can’t forget her and eventually returns to find her, even though he knows he’ll be killed.

Sure, Walt returns. And Walt probably dies. Is it because of Skyler? The promo running for this coming episode sure suggests so. I would argue that Felina isn’t the official name of the episode, it just happened to be typed on the final script, which doesn’t mean the name wasn’t merely a place holder. I doubt we should be looking towards Grateful Dead references for our answers.

Probability: 97%. The bluest of the blue. While I don’t buy that Grateful Dead reference, I do believe Walt returns because of Skyler. Oh, and he dies.

Star Trek: Walt and Jesse face off

According to this theory, Badger’s idea for a Star Trek script has parallels in the world of Breaking Bad: Kirk is Hank, the conventional hero; Walt is Spock, the superbrain; and Jesse is Chekhov, who tries to outsmart Spock. His plan ends up backfiring on him and he’s killed when his assistant slips up.

Probability: 97%. This has pretty much happened up to this point.

Reservoir Dogs: Jesse gets away

Another bizarre theory connects Jesse (last name: Pinkman) and Walter (last name: White) to Mr Pink and Mr White from Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs. If so, Hank (Mr Orange, due to the fact he’s a wounded cop).

Probability: 0%. No. Even Jesse’s ‘chili p’ meth was more pure…

Scarface: Everybody dies

Gilligan has often said that the premise of Breaking Bad was to take the sweet-natured schoolteacher Mr Chips and turn him into Scarface, Pacino’s drug kingpin who, in the film of that name, ends up losing his family and his life. Walt and his son watch Scarface in season five, episode nine, and Walt Jr points out: “Everyone dies in this movie, don’t they?” If this isn’t foreshadowing, it’s definitely an intentional red herring. Plus, we know Walter returns to town a year later with a capsule of ricin and an M60: is he planning to go down in a blaze of glory?

Probability: 70% pure. The 70% is based on that not everyone will die.

(from pastemagazine)

Todd & Lydia
The impetus for this list came from our review and Shane Ryan’s desire to see Todd and Lydia hook up, which, let’s be honest, is what a lot of us were thinking when they sat down for the intense one-on-one about meth purity. This makes sense for two reasons: 1) I don’t think there’s been a character in the history of television who’s needed to get laid as much as Lydia does, and 2) Maybe I’m alone on this, but I’ve been rooting for Todd the whole time. If heHAS to die, wouldn’t getting it on with Lydia be a nice consolation prize for the Todd fans among us?

Probability: 89% pure. Very, very blue. Isn’t this the whole reason for Todd saving Jesse for the time being? He saved Jesse to get a purer, bluer meth to impress Lydia. Missing 8% because it doesn’t offer a prediction on their fate. Lydia can’t continue dodging bullets (so to speak). Mike was pretty close to killing her himself. Plus, Walt can’t be happy with Todd’s treatment of Jesse (though it is Walt’s own damn fault).

The A-1 Son
How great would it be if Walt and Skyler are out of the picture and Walt Jr. is forced to run the car wash by himself? This was set up in the last episode when Skyler teaches him the value of brand reinforcement (“Have an A-1 day!”). Another episode’s worth of training and I think he’s got it.

Probability: 50%. IF Marie gets custody this could happen. Marie has her own problems and that’s giving a lot of responsibilty to a teenager not quite capable of emotionally handling, oh, I don’t know, his parent(s) dying.

Huell Makes It Rain
One of the greatest frames of the series was the shot of Huell lying down contentedly on Walt’s stack of money in the storage locker. I’m not satisfied. Can we not have Huell and Kuby end up with the seven barrels of cash when all’s said and done, followed by a lavish party scene in which they make it rain from the balcony, light cigars with 100 dollar bills, the works? Although if you leave Huell alone in a room with the cash I’m worried we might get into some NSFW territory.

Probability: 23%. “If the light hits it just right, it’s kinda blue.” Knowing they will have roles in the spinoff Better Call Saul means this would dramatically effect them at some point.

Full-Time Therapy
Everyone dies and Marie goes catatonic.

Probability: 96%. Walt on an off day. Only because we aren’t so sure Marie makes it out.

The Denny’s Theory
Walt Jr. is SO innocent and SO clueless that it really is hard for me to imagine him just finding out about everything. It’s close to inconceivable. Maybe Skyler needs to take more drastic measures to shield him from the truth as things get more intense and he starts asking more pointed questions. And what’s the best way to distract Walt Jr.? What about giving him a brick of cash and sending him to a 24-hour Denny’s until things cool down? The main thing I want out of this is an extended montage of Walt Jr. having a field day in breakfast food heaven set to a forgotten ‘60s/’70s song a la Walt’s “Crystal Blue Persuasion” meth-cooking victory scene.

Probability: 32% (31% based purely on emotion and needing this to happen). I’ve always felt Flynn wouldn’t make it to the end. It’s looking more like he might, but I’m still convinced he has always been a Gomez, created purely as collateral damage.

The Optimistic Theory
What if Walt is actually loving life in Saul’s witness protection program and was just returning to his old house for the ricin so he could use it to take care of a rodent problem at his new digs? Just a thought.

Probability: this comes in at a surprising 48.75%. Not the rodent part. Not the loving witness protection part. But, there is a part of me that see’s Walt making it out alive, with Skyler. That same part has Zombie Hank helping Walt take out the nazi’s.

Stache Wins
Hank and Gomez die in the shootout with the neo-Nazis. That DEA agent with the killer mustache solves the case, finds the money and arrests Walt. He gets promoted and is hailed as a hero. Would anyone really be upset if that ’stache got some more screen time?

Probability: 17%. In the promo Saul is indicating that his trail is hot with two dead DEA agents in the desert. The police are the least of anyone’s concern at this point. However, if Walt is as smart as he thinks he is couldn’t he easily put the cops on the nazi’s trail? That is unless they have something he wants (wife, kids, money).

Welcome Back, White
What if Walt gets away, his cancer subsides and he decides to teach at a local community college where one of his students is…Todd, who’s decided to start a new life after the rest of his neo-Nazi family was killed in the fire fight with Hank and Gomez. He’s always been Walt’s perfect pupil, so why not take it to a proper setting? He could ask “Mr. White” a legitimate chemistry question and Walt could give a clever, obliquely meth-related answer before turning to the camera and winking. Series over.

Probability: -97%. This is closer to meth being the answer to world peace than to Walt’s blue stuff.

The MetroPCS Plan
The traumatic experience with Walt causes Saul to give up his career as a lawyer and dive head first into the second-hand cell phone racket.

Probability: -98%. These people must get paid by the word. Why even waste the limited internet space that is left?

Breaking Good
Everyone assumes Todd’s Nazi family is probably going down sooner or later, but what if they’re the only ones left standing and have somehow learned how to cook the blue stuff? This could set up Vince Gilligan’s next series, “Breaking Good,” in which a family of hardened killer neo-Nazis with a meth empire slowly transform into one of Albuquerque’s most kind-hearted and upstanding families, culminating in Season 5 when they open New Mexico’s first all-vegan bakery.

Probability: 1 “Apply yourself” (Mr White’s message to his student Jesse).

(from wired)

The Hamlet Theory

The recent midseason premiere of Breaking Bad featured a scene where Jesse’s erstwhile drug-distributing pals Badger and Skinny Pete discussed a speculative and hilarious script for Star Trek: The Original Series, a rare moment of levity from the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of a drama that seems likely to end in tragedy. But what if that comparison were even more apt, as several fans have suggested, and Vince Gilligan is gearing up to pull a full-on Hamlet? I.E. Everyone dies

Probability: 75%. This is obviously where we are heading. My problem with this is that overall the character’s don’t match. Jesse as Hamler? Did Jesse see his murdered father’s ghost? Did his widowed mom marry his Uncle? There have been a lot of Skyler: Lady Macbeth connections. That is the thing about great writing, it is often found in other great works. All of that to say, yes, everyone will probably die and there is poison involved. No, not because this is Hamlet with meth.  

The Hunter-Gatherer Theory

Originally posited by theorists on sites like Reddit and The Straight Dope, the Hunter-Gatherer Theory (as we at WIRED have dubbed it) picks up on subtle changes to Walt’s behavior after murders someone: notably, that he takes on certain habits and idiosyncrasies of the people he puts into the ground.

When Walt and Jesse are holding Krazy-8 hostage, for example, the dealer makes Walt cut the crusts off his sandwich; after Walt strangles him to death, he begins doing the same to his own bread. Mike and Walt order drinks early on in their relationship, Walt asking for his straight, Mike ordering his on the rocks. Once Walt kills Mike, he picks up the on-the-rocks habit (as well as Mike’s preference for estate cars, as seen in the flash-forward). As of last Sunday’s mid-season premiere, Walt also picked up the also-murdered Gus’s neat-and-tidy habit of putting down a towel before kneeling in front of the toilet to ralph. It develops a minuscule but ultimately water-tight pattern that’s hard to ignore when thinking about the show’s conclusion.

So what does it mean? Well, since we’ve already gotten a glimpse of the future, it may mean that there are clues about who Walt is taking out next–and the answers aren’t pretty. Since the Season 5 opener starts with a flash-forward where Walt is (a) wearing a big-pocketed, army-style jacket that looks just like the one Jesse wears, and (b) not only breaks and rearranges the bacon on his plate the way his wife used to, but is currently using her maiden name as an alias, the theory holds that Walt will have killed both Skyler and Jesse by season’s end.

Probability: 93%. I am fully invested in this theory myself. There is too much evidence for this to be merely a coincidence. I don’t believe he kills Jesse but, explain this:

The Ozymandias Theory:

The lesson of “Ozymandias” the poem is that no matter how much power you wield, no matter how much ambition, ego or money you possess, or many people you control–death will ultimately take it all. And eventually, no matter how big a monument or an empire you build, all your accomplishments will ultimately be flattened to sand.

Probability: 98%. This has actually happened. I just wanted to throw Laura Hudson a bone. Walt literally crumbled to the ground/sand/desert in Oxymandias. 

The Ominous Foreshadowing Theory

The most spine-tingling of these has to be the foreshadowing of the way Gus Fring died. Fring, you’ll remember, was blown up by Hector Salamanca in a nursing home thanks to a bomb made by Walt. The bomb, of course, was triggered by Hector hitting his bell in rapid succession. It was a bell Gus had heard before, in an elevator after meeting with Hank and the DEA earlier in the season (see above). Back then it looked like the feds might seal his fate, little did he know it would be the old man.

That, however, was just an echo compared to what happened to Jesse’s dearly departed girlfriend Jane, who died after asphyxiating on her own puke during a heroin overdose (that Walt didn’t stop). While she was still alive she made more than a few mentions of the ways she might go out, telling Jesse at one point, “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.” And in another instance she walked in on Jesse making her breakfast and Pinkman said, “You weren’t supposed to wake up.” Her response? “Ever?”

There are other less poignant foreshadowing moments too, like the time Ted tripped over the same rug that would later put him in a coma, or when Gale tested his tea kettle with a laser thermometer in the same place the bullet that killed him would land.

Gilligan has always said the premise of the show was to take Mr. Chips and turn him into Scarface. Well, in the last season we actually see Walt watching Scarface with his son, Junior. His thoughts? “Everyone dies in this movie, don’t they?”

Probability: 97%. It’s obvious. Which might mean it wont actually happen. There is definetly something they have told us up to this point that will make much more sense in the end. Everyone is going to die, save either Skyler or Marie (one will commit suicide). And Walt will be shot in the head. Don’t believe it? How about now:


becomingly’s final prediction:

Saul gets Walt back to the ABQ. Is it a set up? Possibly. But either way he is obviously preparing for the nazi’s with weapons and chemicals (fitting). Walt Jr dies (if he doesn’t, Holly is a goner). Skyler survives and Marie does herself in (or vice versa). Walt takes down many many nazi’s orbably the Gus way with a mass poisoning (hunter-gatherer). Jesse is rescued as a product of this though it is not Walt’s intention. They leave each other not hating, nor loving/caring for the other.

There is nothing left.

One or two characters.

No money left for anyone.

As for the money, I think it is left abandoned as part of the war coming. Waiting to be found by a random person.


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